Okay, so I'm savoring this tiny minute of my life to reflect. So far, I've been going to the university for two weeks, having so far 6 minor accidents,a considerable number of serious ones, two flunked quizzes, a thousand breakdowns, a 1 per minute goof-up, and two pretty sore feet (oh! as if I have more than two feet. I could just wish). I guess I'm joining the national piano competitions to save my confounded ego. I want to... I want to... Still I'm not so sure. I'm too tired to think. Too tired in the context of sheer hopelessness.
The future...doesn't seem so bright ahead. Viewing it from my vantage, I guess it is the darkest and most ambigous of the silhouettes that ever trod my life.
How strange that I find this misery strange. Was I ever really happy? [i]Certainly I was. [/i] But not enough for me to really remember. Misery loves company. And in the darkest of its days, it found me. :x
Have you experienced waking up one day and everything seems wrong?
:shock: You'd wish it were a big joke. You'd wish you could take everything back ang blurt, "Just kidding!" But as things in the world go round, life, is never as easy.
There are times when no matter how you try your dreams don't come to be; further exertion of effort seems futile, and you're losing that thing called faith (if ever there really is a use for it). Like, I used to be strong, and I used to keep faith. I used to...used to...used to...but only used to. [i]Not anymore [/i]is what hurts.
[i]Forget it[/i].
[i]Yes. Forget it, I will[/i].
It's will-o-the-wisp. Not all hope is lost anyway. When you can't find your happily ever after, there's always another option for an ending.
:oops: :roll: :oops: Alone, as always, on a day no better than before. Tears well up in my eyes, but by some uncanny reason, they don't fall. Someone...hurt me. Or is it only the way I feel? For the first time in my summer, I was able to sneak out. They left, and I was more alone than I used to be. So thoughts kept coming into my head, way rigorous than the blood streaming in my veins. I had no money, no umbrella and rain was pouring down. The hell! Even the rain won't care. I went out not knowing where I was going. No one knew. Not even my feet, and for the first time, I guess not even my fate. I braved to walk in the rain. It was only me under the immense sky and on the rough road. [i]Dance like no one's watching[/i], I thought. Then when it dawned to me, I laughed. Actually no one's watching. No one saw me, as hardly anyone ever tried to really see through me beyond this facade so woebegone. There I was frisking under the afternoon rain, picking up fallen yellow bells as I passed by. [i]These will look good on my hair[/i], I said pensively. And truly, I had enough daring to wear them. However, getting home, they ended up on my bed. Yes, yellow bells on my bed.
:wink: I wanted life to be at least a bed of yellow bells if it couldn't be a bed of roses.
So this was a dream. And a dream still. It was all phantom softness that evening. When...
Ako ay iyong hinagkan sa bubungan na noo'y siyang lupa. Sino makapagsasabing pagkakasala Ang gayong pagsinta? At Ako'y iyong inangkin sa karagatan ng damdamin. Ang daigdig ay atin... At ako ay sa iyo.
I feel something. Some ache. Some pang. And it wouldn't go. :cry: I wish I knew how to make myself feel better. Or perhaps how to be a better person instead. But I don't know how to or even where to start. I'm breaking my heart. Like a pinch nerve that won't go, plagues my being. Faces seething. Figures sway. Then all away...
This may seem ludicrous, but I heard someone say, "I love my life too much that I'd die for it." I'd say, "I love death too much that I live for it."
Wahaha! So I've been the undisputed poker champion for three weeks now. 8) Amazing! Mr. Larry never wins...And I'm sorry for him because he never will! :twisted: Ha ha ha! I told him that he'd be sorry to teach me. He didn't believe that gambling was in my blood. :D Imagine, 4's, fullhouses, and royal flushes consecutively. How lucky can I get? When I win the lottery, Mr. Larry and I will be playing in Las Vegas (well, don't ridicule the idea, it was his). What ambition! Who knows, I might become a Las Vegas showgirl instead. Hey! Just in time for my tap dancing class. I'll be a billion-dollar baby. Yeah why not? If I can romp like this every night, that's far from impossible. Oh well!
:roll: :roll: REALLY, I'd kiss the first frog that dedicates this this poem to me.
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look will easily unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)he r first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands :o :o
What are you waiting for? I'm counting. Ready, set...go! Oops. Time's up.
PoiGnaNt PoiNtiLLisM by the PiXiE Tears are the Sweat of the Heart -jaye
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